Torn Inside Out
by ReidsLuvr93
Summary: Set nine years after Breaking Dawn. Nessie is finally of an 'adult' age. She and Jacob have two beautiful children. But how will she deal when one of them is a boy, a future werewolf? --bad summary...but good story--
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. =)**

**My first Twilight ff, idk how it'll turn out. But…I'm gunna try. Also keep in mind, I haven't read Breaking Dawn since June… and I just started rereading New Moon so I'm not sure if everything I write will be accurate…sorry. **

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What have I got to complain about? I had the perfect fairy tail childhood. Both of my parents are beautiful, sparkling vampires, I've always known who I would marry. Perfect. Worry free. My mother and father love me dearly; they always took me on adventures, unreal, only dreamed about by human kind; my dearest Jacob always by my side, watching over me, loving me unconditionally and purely. So why don't I feel as happy as I once did? I suppose it's because things have changed.

I finally married Jacob three years ago, six years after I was brought into this world. At six years I was the equivalent of an eighteen-year-old human, mom hated that. I didn't think that things would change once my dear Jacob and I were one flesh, I was wrong. A year after we were wed I gave birth to our first child, a girl, Raine Grace Black. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, so perfect, soft and delicate. Inheriting her father's dark color, and luckily, his human state. The pregnancy only lasted seven months though, turns out, my children develop quicker than humans, just like I did, only somewhat slower. It will take them fifteen years to reach adulthood, as apposed to six.

Things really changed for me a year after that, Raine was one, but she looked one and a half; we brought into the world another child, this time, a son. Connor Ethan Black. He was much like his sister when she was that age, but different all the same. I loved him dearly from the moment I knew I was pregnant. But when the midwife told me that he was a boy, all I could do was cry. I can't begin to explain to you how disloyal I felt at that moment. When I had Raine it was easy, she was a girl, there's no guarantee that she will be a werewolf like her father. A son, on the other hand, most likely will. I had just birthed something that would grow up to kill and hate my kind. In that instant everything changed.

Now I'm still on bed rest, I delivered Connor forty-eight hours ago, Jacob just told me that my parents and the rest of my family are coming to visit, including Grandpa Charlie. I'm practicing the technique I mastered as a young child to keep my mind-reading father out of my private thoughts. I wasn't ready for anyone to know the turmoil inside of me; I didn't want to hurt my dearest Jacob with these awful thoughts.

"Nessie, they're pulling up." Jacob said sticking his head into our room, smiling at me, his pearly white teeth standing out against his dark skin. I could feel my heart squeezing in my chest, as it did every time I saw him. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for Jacob; we had two beautiful children together, why must I let petty thoughts get in the way of my happiness? The vampire/werewolf wars no longer raged here in Forks Washington and La Push, which was all my doing. I was the treaty. The pack and my vampire family both loved me enough to come to respect one another.

"Thanks Jake." I said smiling at him, petty thoughts indeed. I sat up slowly and tucked away my iPod, which was my best friend, and a romance novel I'd been reading. I ran my fingers through my long wavy hair. As a child I had short, bouncy curls, something lost with age. Now they flowed effortlessly half way down my back, which I liked better in the humid weather.

"Nessie!" Alice cheered, scurrying to my bedside and bringing me gently into her cold embrace. 'Aunt' Alice was one of my favorite people on the planet, but I honestly couldn't choose a favorite person (I tend to generalize werewolves and vampires as 'people', it saves so much time). As a child, Alice had loved to dress me up, and mom never protested, she loved to see me in dresses and such. The whole family crowded into the room, each taking turns hugging me. Jacob stood in the corner, a pained look on his face, everyone had that look really. I giggled, I knew that look all too well, none of them would ever become accustomed to the smell of the other.

"Hey baby girl." Mom said, kissing me gently on the forehead, dad stood behind her, smiling at me. Though I could see some confusion in his eyes, apparently my technique still worked, he couldn't see what I was thinking. I knew what they were thinking though, they said it often enough. To them I was their Angel, their Little Nudger, there were few in the world like me. Whenever I had a child, it took them back to when I was younger. I could feel the pride bubbling in them, it burned fiercely in their bronze eyes.

"Want me to get him?" Jacob asked from where he stood awkwardly, I could see Alice bubbling with excitement out of the corner of my eye.

"Yeah you better, before Alice explodes." I said shooting her a warning glare, she understood it well. I'd started using it after I had Raine, it basically meant 'baby in area, remember, you're a _vampire_, be gentle'.

"Here he is." Jacob said handing him off to me carefully. Connor's long dark eyelashes flickered as he dreamed, I wondered what he was dreaming of, I made a point to ask dad later.

"Thanks Jake." I said kissing him tenderly, his burning lips against mine. Though I was not ice cold like my parents, I was below average temperature of a human, and Jake was above, we balanced each other out perfectly.

"He's beautiful." Dad said, his voice barely audible, though everyone but Grandpa heard him. No one could argue with dad, Connor was truly beautiful. His skin was not as dark as his fathers, but it was tan. He had rosy cheeks and perfect facial features. That's what happens when a werewolf and a descendent of vampires mate, you get angels.

"Wanna hold him?" I asked, smiling at my angelic like father. He smiled back and picked up my son, his bronze eyes burning with love. I watched peacefully as Connor was passed from family member to family member. Each one appreciating his beauty in their own way. My petty thoughts pushed far into the back of my mind, I no longer needed to use my mind trick to keep dad out anymore.

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**If I don't stop now this chapter now it'll go on forever, review!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**My apologies. I described Edward with bronze eyes, I totally meant topaz. =(**

**And I guess this is kinda going slow, but those hearty meaningful moments are what count right? **

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I sat cross-legged on the quilt on our bed, watching my family play with my children. Mom held Connor in the rocking chair in the corner, Alice, Esme, and Rosalie standing over her. Emmett, Dad, Carlisle, Jasper, and Grandpa played dolls with Raine on the rug between the bed and the rocking chair, it was truly a sight to see.

Jacob sprawled across the bed next to me; his enormous size would never cease to amaze me. His large arms where wrapped around me, warming my entire body. I always feel so safe and secure in Jacob's arms; I know that nothing can ever hurt me here.

The sense of family overwhelmed me; I knew in my heart that we were defying all of reality. Just the fact that any of us, aside from Grandpa, existed was rebellion against what people considered to be the sane or normal world. Not to mention that the fact that I was half vampire half human, and I have part werewolf children, we're such an odd bunch, I like to think of it as eclectic.

"Mommy look!" Raine called, smiling at me as she managed to convince Dad to let her put a bow in his hair; he did not look amused. I'm sure it was because he could read everyone's mind, and judging by their faces, they were quite amused at his expense. "Grandpa's beautiful!"

"Yes he is." I said as everyone burst into joyous laughter, all our voices mingled. The vampires voices rang beautifully, mine harmonized with theirs. Grandpa's humanly laugh stuck out somewhat awkwardly, but not nearly as much as Jacob's booming laugh. Raine didn't understand why everyone was laughing; her dark skin turned an even darker shade of brown. I slowly climbed out of Jacob's warm embrace and pulled my beautiful daughter into my arms. Her dark brown hair hung in waves around her beautiful face. _Beautiful _did not begin to describe her, but for lack of a better word, _beautiful _would suffice.

"Let me see my girl." Jacob said smiling at her lovingly, I handed her to him where she instantly started to squeal because Jake had begun tickling her. I never wanted moments like these to end.

--

"Bye mom." I said wrapping my arms around my mother.

"Goodbye Sweetie." She said brushing some of the hair out of my face and following the rest of my family out to the cars.

"Hey there." Jacob purred - which is weird since he's a 'dog' - wrapping his arms around me from behind. His temperature raged hotter than normal, and I knew what that meant.

"Jake Sweetie, you do realize that I'm not healed yet right?" I asked turning around to face him, kissing him teasingly. I giggled as the look on his face turned from excited to mournful, almost like a little puppy dog. It was my favorite of all his faces.

"You're sure?" He asked, "I thought you healed fast."

"Not _that _fast." I said kissing his burning lips tenderly. "How 'bout we go watch the kids sleep for a little while, then go to bed?" I suggested, staring into his chocolate brown eyes. In those eyes I could see forever, it was like staring into a pool of liquid chocolate, beautiful and enchanting. He smiled at me, causing those eyes to light up brighter than I thought possible; my heart soared at the sight.

"Sounds good to me." He said wrapping his burning arms around my cool body, kissing me on the forehead, and leading me to Raine's room. We stood in the doorway for an hour; it seemed like merely minutes, locked in Jacob's warm embrace. Standing there in his arms for a long time started to wear me down, my body was still recovering from the pregnancy and birth. Before I knew it I could feel him lifting me up into his arms, I was barely conscious, the last thing I felt was the quilt wrapping around my body on the bed, and Jacob pulling me close.

--

"Jacob?" I mumbled, rolling over onto my back, searching for Jacob though the fog of sleep. The sun was just starting to cast a golden glow through the window next to our bed, past our tan curtains. Jacob wasn't here. I sat up abruptly and pulled on my favorite sweatshirt, the wood floors even felt cold to _my _feet. I made my way to the main room where the temperature control for the thermostat was before heading back into the bedroom to check on the baby. When I was sure that he was warm and safe I put on my boots and made my way through the house and out the door, to see if I could see Jacob, I couldn't.

"Hey Nessie!" Emily called to me from where she was walking down the road with her two children at her side. "The boys went out after a scent, Sam sent me over to make some breakfast with you."

I loved when Emily came to visit; she was like a sister to me, along with all the other imprintees. I used to be closer to some of the younger ones, but as I grew rapidly, mine and Emily's bond grew. Emily now had two children, and another on the way. They were beautiful children, her first, Simon, came along not long after I did. Her second, Lynn, came along two years later. And now she was due with the third in just two short months. I ghosted to her side to help her with the things she was carrying.

"Hey!" I said smiling, giving her a one armed hug.

"I'll never get used to that." Emily said laughing at me, her eyes a little larger than normal.

"Sorry." I apologized, "So what'd they smell?"

"I'm not sure, Sam and Jacob both said it smelled like a vampire, but an unfamiliar one." Emily answered as we walked into the main room and into the kitchen, Simon and Lynn settling down on the couch and flipping on the TV.

"That can't be good." I mused, there hadn't been unfamiliar vampires since I was young, and the werewolves had all learned the scents of all friendly vampires (even those not on 'diets' such as ours). "My family seems to have an attraction for problems."

"They do seem to make other vampires pretty angry, that's why Sam kinda doesn't like having them around. He respects them and their ways, but he sees them as a magnet for trouble." Emily said pulling ham and eggs out of a paper bag.

"And I don't?" I questioned, "There's only one other in the world like me that we know of, and my children? Hybrids are just asking for trouble."

"I suppose." Emily said, not totally convinced, "I just don't want any more vampire trouble, you know?"

"Yeah." I said nodding in agreement, but my mind was consumed with waves of guilt, _I _was a freak, and _I _gave birth to more children of the 'freak' decent. _I_ was a trouble magnet, and I knew it. _'What've I done?' _

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**That's it for this chapter I s'pose **


	3. Chapter 3

**It occurred to me when I was rereading the first chapter that Nessie's skin may actually be very **_**warm. **_**Idk, I'll stick to the cold thing since I already started, bare with me. But honestly I forget….I'll be rereading Breaking Dawn soon though.**

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"Mommy?" Raine asked rubbing her eyes as she walked into the kitchen, her voice filled with the fog of sleep. I turned around to look at her, smiling at her, what I knew was an enchanting smile to most.

"Good morning sweetie!" I said pulling her up into my arms, taming her hair a little with my fingers. The smell of bacon, ham, eggs, and pancakes filled the house; Em and I had already cooked enough for three families, and it still wasn't enough for an entire pack of werewolves and a few of their offspring. "Why don't you go watch TV with Lynn and Simon?"

"'Kay!" She squealed as I set her down, I watched her run into the other room; I was beaming from ear to ear.

"How did your family manage to stay under the radar all these years?" Emily asked, she was well aware of the fact that the Cullen's were the moving type of people, mostly because they never aged, and after a certain point, people notice.

"They just made it work I s'pose." I said with a shrug; she stared at me, waiting for more. "Well no one, besides certain members of the tribe, and grandpa, know they're still here. They let trees overgrow to the driveway to their house and have created back roads of their own that lead here. Their house is so deep in the woods they never have to move, they just can't mingle with humans any longer; which is easy since all their food is in the woods anyways."

"Oh okay, I've wondered about that." Emily said before going back to the cooking, I joined her next to the stove. We continued our small talk for several minutes until the boys came running through the door. We smiled when we heard the children start to squeal as the pack played with them before coming into the kitchen, Sam and Jacob both carrying children. I glided to Jacob's side faster than any of them could blink, everyone let out a chuckle; they knew I was showing off.

"What smells so good?" Jacob asked eyeing the food on the stove; I stood on my toes to kiss his warm lips before answering.

"Omelets, bacon, and pancakes." I said smiling at him; I heard a rumble of pleasure from the pack.

"They're just about done." Emily added from where she stood at the stove, I glided across the floor – at a more normal pace – to help her. Just as I picked up a plate to start serving the men, Connor's cries filled the house. "I've got it." Emily said smiling at me graciously. I slipped quickly out of the room and into our bedroom.

Connor lay in a small basinet next to the rocking chair in the bedroom on the south wall, his little legs and arms squirming as he cried. I smiled at him lovingly, placing my hand behind his head for support and picking him up slowly, holding him close to me.

"Hey there baby boy." I said smiling at him, rocking him back and forth in my arms. Waves of guilt hit me again, then even more for feeling guilty in the first place. I was discussed with myself really; here I was, staring down at the most beautiful baby in the world, and all I could think of was how I was betraying my family, which I really wasn't.

I lost track of time as I stood there holding him, I didn't think it'd been very long until Jacob came in looking for me.

"Nessie, are you okay?" He asked, he walked to my side and wrapped his warm arms around me, the hair, which he had grown back out, moved slightly as he came to a stop.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just have to feed him." I said, he looked at me unconvinced; my tone had sounded phony, even to me. I brought my lips to his warm ones to make up for it.

"Okay." He said, still unconvinced, but he turned and left anyway, not before he kissed my forehead though.

I made my way slowly to the rocking chair and settled in gently, cradling him close to my body, sometimes I worried that my skin temperature would hurt him, or Raine, but it didn't seem to bother them at all. Once I had Connor eating I let my mind wander again. Someday this beautiful baby was going to be a wolf just like his daddy, guarding the tribe faithfully from _'the cold ones'. _I wondered how Connor would deal with being part vampire and having to fight them, would he really even be a werewolf? Or something completely different? Shivers ran down my spine as I considered that. I ran through the options while Connor finished his meal and fell to sleep in my arms.

I rose from the rocking chair slowly and made my way to the main room, where I laid Connor in his baby swing before joining everyone around the table. Emily and Jacob were the only one's to look up at me, but both of them had the same worried expression on their faces. I looked down at my plate and ate my food without a word; eating time was always quiet when you had a room full of massive men, not to mention werewolves.

Once everyone was done eating Emily and I cleared the dishes while the men went out to the main room to watch some sports, which I detested, despite Jacob's and Emmett's best efforts. Once Emily and I were done cleaning the dishes I went back into the bedroom and picked out a simple outfit; skinny jeans, black high-top converse, and a long t-shirt with a pastel drawing of a sunset over the ocean on it.

Once I was dressed I went out to the main area and picked up Raine.

"Want to go visit grandpa and grandma?" I asked smiling at her. She nodded eagerly as I carried her to her room. I dressed her quickly in a pastel pink t-shirt with little flowers sewn in, and a darker pink corduroy-over-all dress.

"You're leaving?" Jacob asked from behind me in the doorway.

"I wanted to go see my parents for a few minutes and run some errands, we're almost out of food." _'As usual.' _I thought to myself.

"Alright." He said, his voice was even more worried than before, I needed to knock it off, and soon. Maybe I had some post-partum thing going on? I couldn't be sure, all I could be sure of was that the worry was bubbling up inside of me stronger and stronger with each passing moment. "Don't be gone too long."

"I won't." I promised, kissing him deeper than I had in days, I'd been too exhausted before. Raine hugged her daddy goodbye and settled back into my arms. I had to put her down though to grab Connor.

I took Connor out to the car and buckled him in, grabbing two hoodies - one for me and one for Raine - on my way out the door. Jacob carried Raine out after me. I pulled her lavender hoodie over her head and buckled her in before pulling on my own.

"I'll see you later." I said kissing Jacob again. He pulled me into his strong, warm arms, not wanting to let go.

"I love you Nessie, so much." He said tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, I grinned from ear to ear, blushing.

"I love you too Jake, always." I said giving him one last peck before climbing into the car, more at ease than before.

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**Idk if this chapter was any good, kinda not feeling well today. Idk why… R&R if you want. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Another chapter, yay. **

**Please R&R???**

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I drove slowly to my parents' house, thinking about what to say, and who to talk to? Carlisle? Alice? Emmett? Jasper? Esme? Mom? Dad? Rosalie? All of them? None of them? I didn't know what I was doing really.

"Mommy, music?" Raine asked from the back seat, I smiled. Raine took after my dad and me, we were all very musical people, silence actually bothered us. I turned on the CD that I had in the player, _Owl City _started to play, it wasn't my first choice today, so I rummaged through the compartment where I kept my CDs, looking for something else. I found _Daughtry_'s newest CD and stuck it in the player. Raine seemed pleased with my choice.

It took less time to get to my parents' place the back way than it did to go through Forks, so when I arrived at the mansion I was wishing that I could've taken the 'normal way'. But, alas, no one in town knew that I existed, I was a secret, and it could be a pain sometimes.

As I pulled up to the beautiful mansion I began my exercise to keep dad out of my head. Once I parked the car I helped Raine out of the car and then grabbed Connor's car seat with him in it. Raine raced to the front steps before I could, she was always so anxious to see my family. To her, this was all normal, as it had been to me once upon a time; but now, I wished that we were all human. Me, Jake, dad, mom, my family, I wished we were human so I didn't have to hide all the time.

My children could perhaps be somewhat normal, since they didn't age _too _fast; and now that I had stopped growing perhaps I could walk around in Forks some, but not for long, eventually people would notice my lack of aging. The 'fictional' world could be quite the pain.

Esme opened the door before I even reached the front steps, which didn't surprise me. Alice had likely become aware that I was coming to visit the minute I decided to, and she had probably alerted everyone. Or, Esme had just heard me, either way, I wasn't surprised.

"Hey there little one!" Esme said pulling Raine up into her arms.

"Hey Esme." I said smiling at her; she smiled back at me before listening to my daughter's nearly unintelligible chatter. She turned and walked into the house, I followed slowly. Once I was inside the beautiful house I set Connor down on the floor next to the door and stood in front of him protectively; I would remain in that position until everyone was aware that he was in the house.

Everyone came flooding from all corners of the house to see us. Alice and Jasper came floating down from upstairs, Emmett and Rosalie from the kitchen with Carlisle; but I didn't see my parents.

I could tell that everyone saw Connor behind me, so I picked him back up and glided across the room seamlessly – without waking him up – and placed him in the baby swing they had set up for whenever I came over. Once I had him settled I was instantly in Emmett's arms.

"Hi." I chocked; Emmett tended to forget that I needed to _breath._

"Oops, sorry kiddo." He said setting me down and tousling my hair.

I closed my eyes then glared up at him. "I'm not a kid!" I protested, Emmett's booming laugh filled the room.

"C'mon Nessie, you were born only seven years ago, you should be playing with dolls, you're a kid." He said smiling at me playfully. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey Nessie!" Alice chimed, gliding to my side and pulling me into her cold arms.

"Hey!" I chimed back, I loved 'Aunt' Alice more than words could describe.

After several more hugs we all settled down around the couch. I sat, of course, in between Alice and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme stood side-by-side six feet away, Raine playing with Esme's hair from where she balanced on her hip. Emmett and Jasper stood opposite of Esme and Carlisle; we all slipped into seamless conversation, I was home.

"So, what's it like being a mom?" Rosalie asked, I could hear Emmett exhale his breath slowly in a sigh; he felt bad for his mate and all, and a little guilty; but he could only take so much baby talk.

"Just like it has been every time you ask me, incredible." I answered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Speaking of parents." Alice mumbled; we all heard my parents gliding towards the house, it was likely they didn't know I was here, since they'd been in the cabin.

"Hey mom, hey dad." I said standing up. One minute I was next to the couch, and the next I was next to them, God how I loved being part vampire!

"Hey Nessie!" Mom said wrapping her arms around me, her topaz eyes were still streaked with crimson, it _should _bother me, but it didn't.

"Hey there." Dad said smiling at me, though his eyes were clouded with something else; what was he hearing?

"Hey daddy." I said hugging him; I felt his strong stone arms around me, arms I'd loved for so long. Every pair of arms in this room was home to me.

"We can talk later." He breathed, so that only I could hear.

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**I've hit somewhat of a writers block…bad day. **


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